Transparent AF.

When I began the process of creating Sacred Journey Healing, I was sharing with my little sister (hey girl heeey) what I planned to do. She said to me "This is good (with hesitation in her voice), but I think you're going to have a problem with the transparency". I never told her, but I was stunned. So many thoughts ran through my head..."I'm not fake, why would I have a problem with that", "wth does that mean". When we got off the phone, I sat with myself. And deep down, I knew what she meant. Spiritual growth is personal. Despite my seemingly inviting and bubbly personality, I am really private. I shy away from people and large groups. Now don't get me wrong, I love to smile, laugh loud-real loud lol (especially at corny dad jokes). I didn't know if I could share my gifts with people. Was I ready? What if I was rejected? What if I was misunderstood? What if I was pushed further away from people when I shared my experiences? Being an empath, what if I couldn't handle other people's "stuff". I got a little scared. I was stuck for a few days. I remembered what I learned, what I was learning. I am only responsible for me, set boundaries, respect those boundaries, because anything outside of that will lead to destruction. Most importantly, its not my job to fix anyone. I also knew that if I didn't move; God was going to continue to make me uncomfortable. I am a healer. That is my calling. So I made a move. Then I made two and then things just started happening. From random conversations, confirmations from God, to business opportunities. Let me tell you, on my therapy journey I've learned that not listening and submitting to God's will lead to deeply unfulfilled relationships and connections. It's some people that shouldn't have had access to me, there are situations that shouldn't have had my energy. I learned that the hard way. As a teen, on into college I remember sharing with my mother that I felt lonely. She responded "isolation leads to elevation". That's great, but who wants to be alone. I thought. Sometimes you have to isolate yourself, so you can hear. She also just shared with me recently that LISTEN scrambled is SILENT. If you sit long enough, you'll begin to hear (that's for another post).

For as long as I can remember, I have always felt this overwhelming sense of displacement. I never felt "I belonged". Not in friend groups, social settings, hell- the grocery store. Like why am I here, what am I doing? As a result of anxiety, depression, trauma, betrayal, and my own insecurities cultivated from over the YEARS; I chose to hide. I shut myself off to protect myself from the judgement of others. And to protect others from this terrible person I thought I was. Other people were never the problem, I was! It was my mindset. I didn't trust myself and I didn't trust who God said I was. I was listening to what I call the "BIG JUDGE". You know that little voice in your head, that seems to consume every part of you.

I remember the moment it just got too loud for me. Back then, I enjoyed writing. It was a place of solace for me. A place where no judgement existed. I was in college at Savannah State University. I rode out to Tybee Island and sat on the wooden swing and began to write in my journal. I was fighting spiritual evils, natural demons (cuz let's keep it real, it's some evil ass people out here), emotional and mental instability; and I just couldn't get it off me. I tried to keep writing but I couldn't. I prayed and I couldn't hear anything. I was stuck and I couldn't move. Hurt, anger, defeat, fear, uncertainty and disappointment poured from my face. I screamed, and kept screaming. I just stared out into the crashing waters. I was tired, I was tired of wanting to belong. I was tired of seeking validation. It seemed as if nothing I knew to do was working for me. I walked to the water...and I threw my journal as far out as I could. I thought this would help me no longer feel what I felt, I thought it would stop the thoughts, I thought it would stop it all. But for a person like me, I felt everything much more deeply. How did this not work! I got angrier. I hated who I was, I hated who I wasn't; and I hated that I had to pretend to be happy. Because, hey I am supposed to be happy right?! I was ashamed for not just being happy. I put on a happy face and a big smile every day, but deep down I was hurt. People say fake it til you make it, and I did. I wanted to be happy, and I knew happiness and peace was deep down in there somewhere. I thought that was what I was suppose to fake it, everyone else did. I see the hurt in people's eyes, I hear their silent cry for help and I feel the weariness of their soul. I know that there is good in people because that is what I choose to see. It is also ok to say, "I'm not ok". This doesn't mean you have to tell everyone you know. But understand, you don't have to do life alone. You are not alone.

Recently, I was able to run back and get that girl I lost. I did get tired along the way, I fell a few times, cried and even wanted to give up. I got some bumps and bruises but I made it. I am so happy that I found her. I vowed to protect her and affirm her EVERYDAY. She's a woman now- a mother, an amazing wife, daughter sister, friend. Just a beautiful soul. Even through all the crap, people saw it but she never felt it. Things are different, and I am treating her well. She knows a few things now. She's not afraid to feel, she's not afraid to see, she's no longer afraid of what she hears. Her smile is brighter, her intentions are pure, and that heart is still solid gold. Oh, and that voice is MUCH quieter now. The whole point of our existence is to experience life and self at our highest point. The greatest task we have been given while on this earth is to bring harmony. The principles of yoga are about the integration of the spirit and natural. Yoga and among other things (becoming a mother, getting closer to God), as a life practice has saved me. I've been on a journey of sorts for a long time, a SACRED one. I am flawed, but I am a divine energy whose spirit is unmatched. I know that now, I feel that. I embody that. I chose the name Sacred Journey to show honor and respect to my journey of healing. Sacred Journey Healing is a combination of practices dedicated to healing acknowledging and recognizing your mental health, trauma, anxiety, depression. Through the principles of yoga, meditation and breathwork; sprinkled with some aromatherapy and crystal love Sacred Journey Healing was created.

Never again, will my light be dimmed. The world needs more of me. These days the light shines on me the brightest.

Dominique Shari